A Trend

Anecdotely, I have heard of stories of Asian American women in their late 30’s and early forties who’d up and left their husband for the other side whose grass seemed greener. It has been a bit
unsettling to think about how devout Christians who serve God and his church are seeking divorce and running away from their families. In the last 3 years, I can name 3 of those cases of the wife running off to be with another man while forsaking their families. It grieves me alot to see this trend.
It makes me wonder if these women (who were involved in various campus ministries in the past) were mentored to handle such challenges as their hearts, fears, disappointments and emotions.
I makes me very sad to realize that I could have been a part of what drove them to this.

I don’t fully fault myself; just want to be learning from these incidents. When I look back at how I used to do ministry to AA’s, I do not think it was contextualized to deal with their deeper core issues. I know that I did not only focuse on skils; I recalled talking alot about the heart. But I do not think that my early years at Michigan, Milwaukee or Metamorphosis displayed ministries of the soul. I know this for I was not fully there myself. I could not have taken these women somewhere where I had not been myself.

So, all I can do now is pray for these women and their families. It does however motivate me to continue to minister differently with Epic. I want to help our students and staff be built up in healthy discipleship so that the above trend would happen less and less.

If I could do it all over again, I would..

  • Spend more time looking at their family of origin and deal with their father and mother wounds.
  • I would teach them to truly grow up as an adult emotinally, and spiritually.
  • I would teach them to feel, to live and be comfortable with emotions and feelings.
  • I would teach them to deal with disappointments and losses.
  • I would teach them to find their voice, and to find dignity in their worth.
  • I would live out a healthy community of grace and truth, one where confession is the norm.
  • I would teach them how to fail well without shaming themselves to death.
  • I would teach them to know how deeply loved they are.
  • I would teach them to deal with shame head on! And to deal with their cultural baggage.
  • I would teach them to also value AA cultural values, not just bag on AA values in general.
  • I would teach them to play and rest and enjoy life and not just survive it.
  • I would pray for God to heal them more.
  • I would pray for our ministry to model a community of grace, truth, and love, where failure is not the end of relationships.
  • I would teach them to deal with conflicts in a healthy way.
  • I would love them more!
  • I would pray to Jesus to break the bondages that are there in all of our souls.

Gun Shy

I am really gun shy or almost afraid of anything that minimizes power displays and realities.
Having lived most of my life surviving so well as a minority, it is now my turn to truly live and not survive. No longer do I want to minimize my feelings, hurts, dreams and fears away. But instead, I want to feel it all without making excuses for those who may not understand or worse yet, for those who must truncate my emotions in order to avoid what my feelings may infer about them.

In these last few months, I am so aware of the degrees of pain that I have had shuffled under the table for the sake of harmony , and some times for the sake of spirituality. As I continue to listen to other minorities’ stories, I also get absorbed into their dismays which causes me to relive mine. It has been an emotional journey that has caught me by surprise. It is at times so frightening or so charged that I wonder about the power that it has over me.

Is this power good? Is it for revenge? Is it cynism that comes from betrayal? Is it basic distrust? It has made me wonder if I need to relive the various horrors and have Jesus reassure me of his presence and love. From there, I will find wisdom and truth of how to live. (Psalm 51:6)

For now, I am not comfortable with being myself. I am gun shy! For now, I think I need to live and stay in the pain before I move on too quickly which is my past defense mechanism for survival. What I need is to truly live and feel all of this with God and let him speak to my uneasy self.